You argue when you both decide the other person is wrong. Two people are needed to argue, yet stopping an argument actually only requires one.
You both insist you are right, which causes the argument. And from the viewpoint you each have on the issue, both of you are right. But are you effective? Remember, you may be very sincere, but your opinion can also be sincerely wrong!
Explore Their Perspective
Although you can’t do anything about their opinion, you can work on yours. Be open-minded, since finding out why they think they are right could change your life, don’t self sabotage. Even if they’re completely mistaken, you’ll discover their perspective, as well as improve your relationship.
Eagerly tell them: That’s very interesting, I have a completely different perspective on the issue. Won’t you please explain why you see yours as right. Ask for their viewpoint and, since people love to be heard, they’ll explain it to you.
Ask non-judgmental questions as you consciously explore why they think they’re right. Then combine the validity in both your viewpoints. Don’t just abandon either opinion, transcend both to come up with a more powerful perspective.
Which Perspective is more Effective?
Of course, one viewpoint might now be seen to be false. If it’s theirs, explain why you see yours as more effective but don’t insist they change theirs. If it’s yours, agree with them! Tell them you hadn’t considered it from their angle, immediately stop your self sabotage and change your opinion.
But whether they agree or not doesn’t matter, they don’t need to change. Given what you now know, you can access all the personal power currently available.
Even if you don’t need to change your opinion in the slightest, you now appreciate where they’re coming from. Since you didn’t insist they change, you haven’t alienated them. You know more since you understand their opinion and its effectiveness. All of which can change your life.
In an argument, you try to persuade them that you are right, they are wrong and they should bow to your superior understanding. Such self sabotage creates tremendous problems. Yet despite the bad feelings it creates, how often do people argue? Many people have sabotaged important relationships, even with those closest to them, by being right.
So disagree instead, which means you neither agree with them, nor do you try and persuade them to agree with you. Disagreeing rather than arguing is a decision you can make unilaterally. The other people in your life need not change. Yet your willingness to explore their viewpoint may make them more open-minded, more willing to listen to yours.
Without change, nothing will change
So change your life by exploring any and all opinions that you see as wrong, then choose the more powerful viewpoint. The extra personal power comes from what seemed wrong to start with – the perspective you originally thought was wrong. Don’t self sabotage and worry about being right, choose to have more…